Monday, September 30, 2013

I have lost my notebook.

This is going to be a very "me being real" post, not very helpful (as in no tutorial) and not funny.  So if you're looking for a tutorial or a book review please see the very few posts to the right. 

Losing a notebook should not be the end of the world. And I understand (somewhere in my mind) that it's really really truly not. Right now, though, it feels like it. I am very much a list person. It's how I keep myself focused (even just a little bit) and how I figure difficult things out. This notebook had all of my lists. Not to mention, I realized after a few days of it being missing that it also has my pregnancy insurance information in it. I have searched everywhere I can think of in my house, at work, and in my car. These are all places where I take it on a regular basis just so I can function. It's not in any of them. I've called Hobby Lobby and Walmart as a last ditch effort wondering if they had found it. If they did, I'm sure they threw it away. 
The longer I go without it, the more upset I get. It is an almost crippling feeling to have it missing. I did buy a very cheap replacement for it, but that was when I thought I simply wasn't looking hard enough. I'm trying to use the new one. Really really trying. But thus far it is not being the sanity I need and what the other one was.
With this pregnancy, I got "pregnancy brain." (I think that's the technical term.) I joke about how it makes me feel stupid, but I legitimately feel stupid. I can't remember anything for more than a few minutes, much less a full day. I go into a store without a list and forget at least 3/4 of what I needed. So I wrote everything I needed down as I realized I needed it so I wouldn't have to struggle with even making a list. 
I struggle with anxiety. I worry about what's going to happen in 4 months when I have a child. I need to find a daycare and we will need to move when this lease is up. I need to find a doctor for her, and I need to get both of us on some kind of insurance. This is the stuff I can remember right now. None of this is terribly urgent yet. So I write it down. I keep a list of "Figure Out Today," "Figure Out Tomorrow," "Figure Out This Week," "Figure Out This Month," etc. Then I gradually edit the lists as I figure things out. I had lists of apartments to call/not call/already called. 
There were basic to do lists. I have so many projects I'd like to tackle, and I also get very distracted when I try to clean. So I write down what I'd like to accomplish in a day and in a week and how I think I can make it happen. 
Without this notebook, I'm so very unorganized and therefore unproductive. Before I lost it, I finished a craft, but never got around to writing up the tutorial. I will at some point. It's probably half way done. Right now, though, I'm just so very drained from searching and then crying that I couldn't find it. I need to end this on a positive note, and I was/am so proud of myself so here's the picture for now.

I actually sewed something!!

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