Evolution Baby

(Disclaimer: May not be suitable for those of a strong Christian persuasion. You have been warned.)

What if my daughter is not a miracle? What if she was an "Oh sh*t" moment in a Wal-Mart bathroom stall when that second line showed up. What if she was the hardest decision I ever had to make. What if I knew I never wanted kids and here I am having one and trying to figure out how that's going to work out.

On the flip side. What if my daughter was the hardest struggle I've ever had to face trying to conceive. What if she's the product of some amazing medicines, scientific processes, and trackers to be able to get pregnant. What if she is the tears of joy and the endless thanks given to the doctors who made her possible.

Would either situation mean I'm any less grateful or excited for her? I don't think so. I'll  never tell her she's my miracle or my blessing. Instead, I'm so in awe of what my body is capable of. I am growing a freaking human! And whether I cried of joy or of fear, that is something pretty incredible. After so many years of evolution, we have come from single cells to cells that reproduce and can reproduce another tiny version of our mixed DNA.

I'll tell her instead that she is one of the most wonderful things to happen to me, something that I didn't think would ever happen. I'll tell her she's the product of love and of some really awesome biology. I'll tell her she's loved immensely and infinitely by both her parents. And I think that that is enough.

I have lost my notebook.

This is going to be a very "me being real" post, not very helpful (as in no tutorial) and not funny.  So if you're looking for a tutorial or a book review please see the very few posts to the right. 

Losing a notebook should not be the end of the world. And I understand (somewhere in my mind) that it's really really truly not. Right now, though, it feels like it. I am very much a list person. It's how I keep myself focused (even just a little bit) and how I figure difficult things out. This notebook had all of my lists. Not to mention, I realized after a few days of it being missing that it also has my pregnancy insurance information in it. I have searched everywhere I can think of in my house, at work, and in my car. These are all places where I take it on a regular basis just so I can function. It's not in any of them. I've called Hobby Lobby and Walmart as a last ditch effort wondering if they had found it. If they did, I'm sure they threw it away. 

The longer I go without it, the more upset I get. It is an almost crippling feeling to have it missing. I did buy a very cheap replacement for it, but that was when I thought I simply wasn't looking hard enough. I'm trying to use the new one. Really really trying. But thus far it is not being the sanity I need and what the other one was.

With this pregnancy, I got "pregnancy brain." (I think that's the technical term.) I joke about how it makes me feel stupid, but I legitimately feel stupid. I can't remember anything for more than a few minutes, much less a full day. I go into a store without a list and forget at least 3/4 of what I needed. So I wrote everything I needed down as I realized I needed it so I wouldn't have to struggle with even making a list. 

I struggle with anxiety. I worry about what's going to happen in 4 months when I have a child. I need to find a daycare and we will need to move when this lease is up. I need to find a doctor for her, and I need to get both of us on some kind of insurance. This is the stuff I can remember right now. None of this is terribly urgent yet. So I write it down. I keep a list of "Figure Out Today," "Figure Out Tomorrow," "Figure Out This Week," "Figure Out This Month," etc. Then I gradually edit the lists as I figure things out. I had lists of apartments to call/not call/already called. 

There were basic to do lists. I have so many projects I'd like to tackle, and I also get very distracted when I try to clean. So I write down what I'd like to accomplish in a day and in a week and how I think I can make it happen. 

Without this notebook, I'm so very unorganized and therefore unproductive. Before I lost it, I finished a craft, but never got around to writing up the tutorial. I will at some point. It's probably half way done. Right now, though, I'm just so very drained from searching and then crying that I couldn't find it. I need to end this on a positive note, and I was/am so proud of myself so here's the picture for now.

I actually sewed something!!

Toilet Paper Tree Headboard - DIY

I had been wanting to make one of the toilet paper roll art things for a while now, but I couldn’t make up my mind about what I wanted to make. I was going to make stars (with a black background and silver pieces) or maybe flowers (with a white background and pink pieces), or maybe a vine (similar to what I actually came up with). My attention lately, though, has been drawn to trees so it seemed natural to make a depiction of this. I also wasn't sure what I wanted to do with the piece when I finished it, but then I was reading in a book of crafts about making headboards. So, now we have a headboard with a tree made of toilet paper rolls above our bed. And I just have to say it looks pretty fantastic. So here’s how to do it!

Total Cost:
Time: Around 3 hours if you're being picky, probably 1 1/2 - 2 if you're not.
Money: $10 because you shouldn't be paying for that big piece of cardboard (you can take any box you want from the stockers at Walmart in the middle of the night, or so they told me) or the toilet paper rolls separately. You have to use it anyway. I'm only counting cost for paint and a Sharpie marker, assuming you don't already have either of these things.

Materials needed: 

3 Paper towel rolls and 1 toilet paper roll (or 6-8 toilet paper rolls)

Sharpie

Piece of Cardboard (I used the side of a really tall box.)

Spray Paint (Green, and Brown)

Materials, other than the piece of cardboard.

Piece of cardboard.

First thing you'll do is get your paper towel rolls and flatten them out, then mark it every 1/2 inch with a marker. You can see in the pictures that I did this the other way around and well, it was much more difficult that way. 

Definitely flatten first.

This is way harder to mark on. And you'll need it flat to cut anyway. 

Then you want to cut on the marked lines.
I did this with 3 rolls so I ended up with probably 30-40 pieces at the end. Again, you could use all toilet paper rolls, you'll just need more of them.

These are just the ones from one roll because they were kind of everywhere.

Go ahead and take these outside. It's time to paint them!

I did this outside my front door so my neighbor's dogs were having a fit. She annoyed me so this was the ideal situation. Also, there was less wind out front instead of out back. 

This made a mess on my hands. Make sure you turn them every way to get all of them the same color all over, inside and out. I used spray paint and had to hold onto them to make sure they didn't fly away. I made sure one side was dry before turning to do another. 

Now go back inside and get your remaining toilet paper roll (I hope you still have one left!). Cut it down the side. And then cut the sides of this to make a shape like a tree trunk, like shown. I don't know how else to describe it.

I forgot to take a picture of the first step so I had to go back to do it again and didn't have the same color roll. Oops. 

Now you want to flatten this out, preferably with the biggest book you have. 

If you study English, you'll have lots of giant books laying around and finally they can serve a useful purpose. 

Now take your big piece of cardboard outside to paint it. 

Lovely, and complete with a glare. (I didn't even have to paint that part on.)

Go back inside and get that tree trunk toilet paper roll you made so you can paint it too.

Fortunately, this is a different shade of brown from the background because it was a different color cardboard to start with. 

Now organize the pieces on the background in the shape you want. Go ahead and lay out all of the pieces so you can move them around and make sure they're just right. Leave them in place and glue on one at a time with the glue gun. Then wipe off all the excess glue that is probably all over the place, if your projects go anything like mine. 

This is my final tree that now hangs out over our bed! Well, it would if I hadn't packed it up when we moved and then never decided to decorate once we got here. 

This post has been in the works for months now. I finally finished it tonight. The night before I go back to work from my mini vacation. Pretty proud of myself. 

Confession. Why I haven't written in forever, again.

So lately, I've been in a major reading slump. (Okay, a major slump in general.) I haven't wanted to start or finish anything. I read articles online, but a book just sounds like too much. I think part of it is the pregnancy. I'm exhausted and don't feel like doing much of anything when I get home from work or on my day off or, well, ever. I come home and eat something and watch television just to turn my brain off. It's awful, though, and I don't want to have excuses for not reading. I feel terrible for it. I do still love books, and I keep adding to my "to be read" pile, but haven't put a dent in it in months. This is a terrible feeling, though. I've been so ashamed of not doing what I thought made me me. So I didn't really mention it to anyone. Well, except a few friends who asked what good books I'd read lately. Then I had to admit that I finished the last one in May and it took me months to do so. 

Today, though, I read this: Book Slump. (Remember, I said that I can handle articles.)

Thank you, Book Prince, whoever you are. I needed to hear that it's okay to not be a reader right now. I needed to be reminded that I will read again and I'm not a fraud now. This also gave me good tips for how to get back to reading. Short books are the key I've found when this has happened to a lesser degree in the past. I can feel like I've accomplished something. Anthologies are also good for me because I can finish a story quickly. I can't reread books, but oh how I wish I could. I find myself wishing I'd never read a few books because they make too many others pale in comparison. 

I am happy to announce, too, that I checked out a book from work yesterday and have so far read the first 100 pages. I'm hoping to finish it before Wednesday. It's not the best book I've ever picked up but it's decent and keeping my attention. And it's easy. Very easy and light to read, which right now is what I need in my life. I wish it was pulling me in and making me forget everything that stresses me out, but for now, I'll take what I can get. And I'll try to get a review up of it (or of the one I finished in May) sometime soon.

Maybe I'll make something crafty again soon, too. Maybe.

Uncle Ellie

I've been wanting to make this post for a while now. And I'm making it without posting it at least a week before I can. Just because I'm about to explode. So, if you know me in real life and know my views on a lot of things, please don't read this while you're driving. Please be sitting down, because this may be shocking. Seriously, sit down. Please. I don't want to be responsible for injuries.












































So J has started calling Ellie, Uncle Ellie. Want to know why?

Because Ellie Mae is going to be....

... an uncle!

I'm not sure how we decided she'd be an uncle and not a sister or an aunt, but that will be her new title. And we haven't decided about Harley's role. Probably the baby's puppy. She's good at being a puppy. 

I could answer all the questions that I think are probably coming, but for now, I'm just going to say, the baby is due end of January/beginning of February (right around the time that I'm sure we'll be getting a nice blizzard).
We are very nervous, but also super excited about this newest adventure.

Conversations with My Other Half

Scene: Both of us leaving to go to work

Me: Drive safely. Have a good day. I love you.
Other Half: I love you. Have a good day.
Me: Why do you never tell me to drive safely??
Other Half: Well, you wouldn't tell Dale Earnhardt to drive safely, would you?
Me: Maybe someone should have. Wasn't he the one who died in a car crash?
Other Half: Bad example. You're like Richard Petty. He's a great driver.
Me: Did he die too?

So apparently I should be driving a race car. Which I already knew, but I think you should still be safe, even when driving fast.

One of those books you get stuck in your head that you hope will never leave.

Well, I think I left the book I really wanted to read tonight at work so I wrote up a blog post for you guys. I know it's been quite a while. I still haven't decided what to write about our big move so I went with the easier option and did a book review. It's one I've been trying to get finished for a while so here it is!

Of Beast and Beauty

By Stacey Jay

 **Disclaimer: I received a free E-ARC of this book from the publishers due to my employment with a bookstore. No compensation was received for this review (although, I am seriously gushing over it and I'm fully aware that I may sound ridiculous)**

This is the first book I’ve read by Stacey Jay, although I have a copy of both Juliet Immortal and Romeo Redeemed to read at some point. This has to be one of my all time favorite books now, and I do believe it has ruined any chance of my finding another book I love this year. I read it right before we moved and it’s still stuck with me. This is a retelling of “Beauty and the Beast.” Well, kind of. For starters, it’s the beast who is trapped with Beauty. The curse is much more elaborate as well. I was devastated in the best possible way when this one was over.

So before I ruin the entire story, I’ll just cut to my highlights.

What I loved (there was no like here, I swear I loved it all):

• The setting was so beautifully done. I’m usually not such a big fan of fantasy worlds, I like my novels in the real world with some magical elements. This world painting was so well done, though, that I lived in this land for the two days it took me to read the book.
• The curse was mythological and I loved it. So I don’t ruin anything, I’ll stop there.
• The characters. I love them both. They were realistic and wonderful.
• The narration went back and forth between the two main characters which I very much enjoyed. I liked seeing both perspectives.
• The ending. I cried. Both at the fact that this book was over and for the loveliness that was the end of this tale.

Things that maybe annoyed me but I didn’t care:

• There were a few questions I felt were left unanswered with the curse’s back story. Maybe I’ll have to reread the book to see if I just missed something.
• I didn’t like some of the minor characters. One in particular was supposed to be a bad guy but was kind of a waffle about how he would behave each day.
• 400 pages just wasn’t enough. Okay, if it had been longer, it probably would have felt like filler, but I just wanted to live in this world a little longer.

I would recommend this to anyone who enjoys teen novels, anyone who enjoys romance (clean romance), anyone who likes to read. This book comes out in July so be ready for it!