My First Cinderella Retelling and First Steampunk Story

I was nervous about this one. I requested the e-ARC for it and waited. And waited, and then decided it wasn't one I'd get to read before it came out, but that maybe I'd read it when it released. Then I got the email saying I could download it! But what if I'd built up my hopes and it wasn't that great and I'd been waiting and anxious for nothing??
I'm happy to announce: this one did not disappoint.
I downloaded this one and read the first quarter of it. Then I had to deal with reality, but being able to finish a book in a week for me is actually saying something huge. I didn't put this one down and pick up anything else. I didn't get bored.
This was the first Cinderella story I tried and it was almost perfect. This was also the first book I've read that would classify as "steampunk" because I was a little worried about how I'd feel about it. My worries were in vain. It was a great twist to be added.
What I loved:
- Mechanica was not named Ella! At all!
- While Nick usually didn't cause waves and was kind, she fought back when she could/when she really reached a breaking point. This was more realistic, I felt, than the Cinderella who never, ever complains.
- She did not need a man to make her dreams come true. She built her dreams from the ground up, on her own terms. She had help from some bugs, but who doesn't need a little assistance when you're in such a crappy place?
- The ending was damn near perfect. Not a typical happily ever after, but was exactly the kind of ending I love.
- The story is really more about friendship than romantic love and I think we need more of that in the teen genre.
- This book very briefly touches on the ideas behind other types of relationships, as opposed to just a monogamous heterosexual relationship.
- It's clean so I have no worries if I recommend it to anyone, regardless of which age of teen they fall into.

What I didn't love:
- There were a couple elements that were never explained.
- Some of the writing felt like fluff. Basically, the same sentences, or similarly written ones, were repeated throughout when it wasn't entirely necessary.

I would definitely recommend this one to anyone looking for a new, and very different, very feminist twist on Cinderella.

**I'd like to thank Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for providing an advanced reading copy of this text in exchange for an honest review. This did not affect my review in any way.**

Why I Won't Be Reading The Rainbow Fish to My Daughter

I guess I should preface this by saying, that I know at some point T will read The Rainbow Fish, either at school or daycare or on her own. I won't stop her from reading anything, unless it's something too mature for her (probably not too many restrictions there either), but I won't encourage this one.

I also want to say that I have not read any of the follow up stories of all the adventures Rainbow Fish goes on so maybe it gets better, but I just don't know about it.

When you work in a bookstore, people ask you all the time “how do you take home a paycheck?” Well, because this is my living, I have to pay my bills and feed my child so I don't have a lot of choice. At the same time, I understand the question and I do have a very difficult time talking myself out of buying all of the books. Due to a small apartment, I've gotten much better, but there are still times when I buy impulse books, then realize that I maybe shouldn't have.

Rainbow Fish was one of these. I remember that I read this as a kid. It's a classic, after all. Who doesn't love Rainbow Fish?? I bought it as soon as I saw a used copy come through because I thought, “I have to read this to T.” Then I did. All I could think after I re-read this book was that I think I'm missing something.

Maybe the board book version of Rainbow Fish leaves too much out of the story, maybe the regular version has something more to it. But in the version I read, I was left with a feeling of “I don't want to fill my daughter's head with this.” I understand the point of him learning to share, I really do. What I don't love is that he has to give away everything he loves to have friends. I don't love that he gives up who he is, that he can't be beautiful and have friends. I don't love that no one will be friends with him unless he gives them things. Maybe I just read too much into this one, maybe I'm overly cynical. Either way, this was not the lesson in sharing that I wanted to teach T. So I'm getting it back out of the house.

I would like to suggest another of Pfister's books, though. I know most people only know Rainbow Fish from him because it's the biggest/most popular one, but I also picked up Milo and the Magical Stones and really loved it. This is a story of a mouse who realizes that the only way to save his world is by working together with the others in his community to find a solution. There are two endings, a happy one and a not happy one. I think this one teaches a great lesson about working together and I will definitely read this one to T. Although, she'll probably have to be a little older since there are a lot of words, which requires a lot longer attention span than she currently has. If she's anything like me, though, she'll intentionally pick out the longest bedtime story possible when she's a little older.  

Another Fairy Tale I Loved

Princess of Thorns

by Stacey Jay

Rating: 5 out of 5

I almost didn't read this book. And that would have been a tragedy, though of course I wouldn't have known it. I judge books almost solely by their covers, but sometimes will just go off of what people recommend to me. This one was different. I read Of Beast and Beauty and loved it so much. I started Juliet Immortal because it was already on my TBR list, but I just couldn't really get into it. I like modern stories sometimes, but can't read many in the young adult area, mostly because there are too many pop references and it makes me crazy.

So when I saw this one come out, I was a little torn. I didn't love the cover (or the tagline: Sometimes you have to fight for happily-ever-after). But I read the synopsis and decided I'd want to try it so it was added to my TBR and then forgotten. I picked it up when I went back through my list for my next pick and headed up to the library to find something new. Of course, I found several other things, too, and I'd forgotten what it was about this one that made me want to read it. I brought it home anyway, but was on a graphic novel kick and ended up setting this one to the side before I even started it. I checked my due dates though, and saw that this one was due and had no renewals left. I think it was actually because someone else wants it, not that I had it for 9 weeks already... surely. Seeing that I had less than a week, I picked it up to start it to make my final decision and either read it or not. Three days later, it's in the Read and Loved It stack.

What I loved:

• The characters. There was magic and there was some of the teen angst, but for the most part these seemed like very realistic portrayals of how these people would have felt about their circumstances.
• The relationships. Man, I'd love to go into detail about this, but I don't want to spoil anything. I will say that Aurora and Niklaas's relationship was one of my favorites in a YA book (and possibly in just any book).

• The premise of the story. I think maybe somewhere I read that this was a retelling of Sleeping Beauty, but it's not at all. The Sleeping Beauty background is from the original, not the Disney version, but really this is about her daughter. There are many borrowed ideas from other stories, but the way they are used and tied together worked well for me.
• The point of view. I really like first person. The only thing I (usually) like even more is when there are multiple first person accounts. I like knowing what everyone is thinking, but not from a third person viewpoint.

My favorite quotes (there were so many, but I wanted to pick the ones that summed up the reasons I loved the book and also that didn't accidentally spoil anything):

“Why should any woman learn how wretched this world can be if they don't have to?”
“Because they are strong enough to know the truth, and proving that to themselves will make them stronger. And perhaps, if men were brought up to be gentler people, women wouldn't have need of protectors.”

“Maybe together we'll prove that prophecies, and curses, and kings and queens with nothing but evil in their souls aren't as powerful as people helping each other. People tying their hearts and minds together and telling fate to go stuff itself.”

As a general rule, I try really hard to think of “Things I Didn't Love.” Honestly, I can't for this one. Some of the reasons I loved the book are reasons other people will hate it. So if by those, it doesn't sound like it's for you, then maybe it's not. But this may be my favorite book I've read this year, and I can't believe I almost missed it. I really hope Stacey Jay keeps writing this fairy tale setting type books because she's amazing at it.

She Don't Need No Stinking Man

Crimson Bound by RosamundHodge

Release Date: 5/5/15

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

First, thank you to HarperCollins Publishers for providing an e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. I'm excited to say that this is the first book I've requested and that I received it and now I get to review it before it releases. Too often, I put books on the back burner and don't get a chance to read them until much later. I knew I wanted this one, though, after Cruel Beauty which I read last year. I actually paid for that one on my Kindle (as opposed to getting it from the library) because I started the sample and was so sucked in. So, here are my lists for what I did and didn't love so you can be so excited to read this yourself when it comes out in a month. (Also, I linked to GoodReads instead of Amazon in the title since it hasn't released any way.)

What I loved:

• The world building. Hodge is fantastic at this. You forget about your own world and are brought into a new place where new rules exist. Never been to the Great Forest, read this book and you will bring it home with you.
• The characters. I love all of them. Everyone. Even the villains. No one was perfect and that itself was perfect. I think my favorite was Amélie. Maybe, if I really needed to pick for some reason.
• The women. They are the heroes of the story. It's a women's story, without ever man-bashing which is awesome.
• The blend of supernatural with the real world. I like having a foot in the real world when I read stories of people with supernatural abilities.
• The ending. Everything is wrapped up in one way or another. Man, I love closure. That being said, there's enough leeway left to where a sequel would be possible/I can imagine the characters' lives after the book's ending. So, Hodge, if you want to write another, I'll read it!

What I Didn't Love:

• Talking in circles. I felt like there were times when there was more writing than was necessary. A little repetitive at times.
• Third person voice. I just hate it all the time, nothing really to do with the book, but letting future readers know that it's written this way.
• Didn't live up to Cruel Beauty. Then again, that was a phenomenal, world shaking, mind blowing book based on my all time favorite story so it's acceptable that not everything from this author would fall into the same category.
• Little Red Riding Hood? Maybe not so much. I can kind of see it *very* loosely based on the tale, but most of it is pure imagination from Hodge or borrowing from other ideas (especially religion). I think it maybe marketing should focus more on what a twist it is than saying it's really a retelling?
• I'm not sure if it fits here exactly, but this was a very, very dark tale. Not that I minded, but it did catch me off guard at times, and I thought I should throw it out there in case anyone is squeamish.

Either way, if you liked Cruel Beauty, you'll very likely enjoy this one because the world building is still present, the strong heroine is here, and the love of all characters is here.

Feminist Reading Challenge

People told me so many times, “Having a child will change you.” “It'll change your whole life and who you are.” And I think that in some ways this is both true and not true. Having T has brought out the somewhat dormant interests in me and has made them full blown passions. The biggest one is my feminist side. I want my daughter to be raised knowing she can be anything and anyone. She can do any job she wants, she can help anyone she wants, she can love anyone she wants. I want to know that men and women are equal, or would be in the ideal world. As far as our home life goes, I think we do a pretty good job of demonstrating this balance. We both work, we both clean and J is trying so hard to learn to cook (well, I'm still learning too so I guess she'll grow up knowing neither of us can cook).

This has been translated into my reading as well, as so many aspects of my life often are. I tend to go through ups and downs with my reading habits and tend to burn myself out on a genre and then have to make a dramatic shift. Something I've started lately is asking myself, “Would I want my daughter to read this?” Not in a “is this appropriate for a child?” way (because I'm an adult and am capable of reading foul language, and about sex and drugs and don't care if she does when she's much older) but in a “Is there a strong female role model in this book?” way.

Because I'm also working toward my teaching license for elementary school, I apply the same concept to kids' books I've been reading. “Would I want my students to read this? Would they learn to treat one another better and more equally from this?” Maybe this is too much thinking about the purpose of a book, but I'm tired of books with weak women. I'm tired of all the male writers (though it's not their fault), and I'm tired of stereotypical women.

So my new challenge? I have been reading a lot more kids books (and really enjoying them!) and some teen as well (and there are some awesome feminist teen books that I should write a post about at some point). But my “thing” if you will, right now is about graphic novels. I am such a huge Batman fan. Well, I love the other characters from Batman more than Batman himself if I'm honest (Nightwing, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and lately the Birds of Prey). But I've also noticed that when I read these graphic novels, specifically from DC, I only see male names for the writers. The last time I looked it up, there was exactly one female writer on staff for DC. One. Supposedly they are working toward being more diverse and will soon have six female writers. Yes, you read that right, six would be a step in the right direction for them.

So I thought, “I think I need to actively look for more women in comics.” So that's what I'm doing. And I am truly loving what I'm finding (when I find things). Currently, I'm reading the new Ms. Marvel, written by G. Willow Wilson (after a little research, I found this is a female writer). I have also started accumulating a stack of books from the library. Damn them and their bad ass collection of graphic novels and their easy hold system (request on the computer, get an email, it's right there waiting for you!). Next up on the list are Rat Queens, Y: The Last Man, Saga, and Earth's Mightiest Hero: Captain Marvel. The criteria for what I'm looking for are either comics written by women or ones that can be written by a man but feature a bad ass woman (more points if she's not drawn as a stereotypical comic lady). Once I read a few, I'm sure I'll write another post about some awesome (and perhaps not awesome if I come across them) graphic novels that fit these criteria.

Any suggestions for what else I should read? Looking for teen, kids or graphic novels!

And may we read about them.

A Year of Feminist Reading

Maybe that is what I should have called this year's reading goals. While that isn't all I've read thus far, it does encompass many (7 out of 11) of the books I've read so far. This leads me to the latest one I finished (read it today). So, here's the review.

Poisoned Apples: Poems for You, My Pretty by Christine Heppermann
4 out of 5 Stars

What I Loved:
The Cover. Seriously, a good cover can just suck you in. And this one is just lovely.
The photos throughout: While some of the photos were strange beyond what I could understand, many made you rethink what you had just read, which had already made you think.
The length. Heppermann didn't try to stretch this out past what she could write well. It was a short book, readable in an hour or two and she didn't use anything as filler, aside from the aforementioned photos.
The style. This is a collection of poetry that is easy to read.
The ending. Without giving anything away, you're left basically where you were in the beginning. Feminism is still struggling, it doesn't resolve.
The poems directly relating to fairy tales.
The author's note in the end. It makes me want to read other literature about the women of fairy tales.

What I didn't Love:
The lack of character development. While I could feel for the women (or girls) as they were, I wanted to feel a deeper connection with someone. Although, that would probably have been a depressing story if it had been all one person's story.
The disconnect. Some of the poems were difficult to connect to the theme and none actually tie together.

Overall, I'd recommend this to someone who likes fairy tale retellings because it provides a fresh look at fairy tales, but also at how young girls are often facing their every day lives.

How I'm Going To Read More This Year

I read an incredibly relevant article last year about "not enough time to read." Ok, I read multiple articles about this, all found on Book Riot. The one that really hit me the most though was this one from a mom (of twins) who talked about when she read, how and why. This really hit me hard, especially the part about how important it is to keep doing what you love. 

And so I started to think of the hows and whens of my own life for me to read. We have a super unorthodox schedule in our home due to both of us working retail management shifts. These include potentially leaving the house at 8 am or coming home up until 11 pm. The schedule is also different every week so I can't just schedule reading time every Tuesday, or even every other Tuesday. Little Goose also doesn't really have a set schedule, other than a general bedtime and general time she gets up. She naps when she's tired and she eats when she's hungry or when I think she should probably eat again. Maybe when she goes to school there will be more regularity with her, but until I'm out of retail this is how my life works and it's okay with me (for the time being).

Anyway, I still wanted to be able to read so much more this year. And not necessarily more books, but I didn't want to be at the end of the year looking for short books that still “count” as legitimate. (For the record, some of my favorite books have been these short books.) More importantly, I want to be reading more, spending more of my time that I may not realize is being otherwise wasted on what used to be my all time favorite pastime.

So I've worked out a system, kind of. It's based loosely on tips I've read for how to read more, but also on me as a person and my own schedule. This would also not likely work for people who can only read one book at a time, unless you tweaked it, a lot.

My System for Reading Lots of Books

I keep 4 books going at all times. (Sometimes more if I'm honest)

1. An audio book for the car. I don't spend a lot of time in the car at a time, but it is about 15-20 minutes to and from work each way. That in a week means I have about 2 hours of potential listening time just for work, not including time to take Little Goose to and from daycare or any other errands I may have to run (no matter how hard I try to avoid them). I usually keep this as a humor book for a few reasons. a. I'm going to and from work and need to be happy when I get there and want to de-stress when I get back in the car. b. I hate stopping in an awkward spot. Humor books tend to have shorter chapters from what I've found and also have more logical stopping places than a lot of my fiction audio books.

2. An audio book for at home. I have been trying to get myself in the habit of cleaning on a regular basis, and then maybe I'll try working out as well. So for these times, I have a lighter, usually fiction, audio book to listen to. I give myself about 2 hours of solid cleaning time (during a nap or after I drop Little Goose at daycare) and also use the book when I'm just doing basic chores that get done every day or when I'm cooking (on the rare occasion).

3. A book on my Kindle/Kobo for anywhere I go. I've finally figured out how outstanding the Denver Public Library is. So I can get e-books from them! I keep either the Kindle or Kobo (whichever I'm currently reading a book on) with me so that if I get stuck in traffic or have a few minutes between when I get to work/have to go into work or if I decide to take a lunch break, I have my book with me. I also read this at home depending on my mood and how engrossed I am in the book. (You could also use your phone for this one, but reading on my phone is not real reading for me.)

4. A book to read at home. This one is usually shorter and easier to finish or maybe a graphic novel. This is for days when Little Goose takes a lot of naps or when I want to stay up late/get up early to read.

I try to have a “next book” picked out before I finish any of these so that there isn't a standstill for any of them once I finish. And sometimes they cross over, like if I'm in a really good chapter of my home audio book and need to go somewhere, I just take the Zune with me.

The first year I started tracking how much I read (out of sheer curiosity) was 2013. I read 23 books that year. Last year I read 28. This year, it's only February, and I've already read 8. I set my goal for 25 this year, but maybe I could do 30 or 40? I only compete with myself when it comes to reading goals and I only want to make sure I don't lose something I love just because my life is different than it was in high school when all I did was read.  

An Incredible Young Adult Novel

Wildlife by Fiona Wood

I almost didn't read this book. That would have been tragic because it turns out it's an incredible story. Before I started to read Wildlife, I sent out a silent wish to the universe, saying “Give me something I can't put down, something that sucks me in and doesn't let me go.” Then I picked up this book because I had it from the library and hadn't started it and had no expectations.

Usually, a book gets 50 pages to grip me hard enough and for me to make a decision about whether I'll finish it. This time, I made it 5 pages in and thought, “I'm not going to read this...” Then I got to page 7. This story is told from multiple perspectives (add one point!) and handles each of them so very well (add another point!). I really thought this would turn out to be “just another teen book” even though I'd read it on a Book Riot list of top feminist teen novels. It was so much more than what I expected.

I haven't read “Six Impossible Things” since it hasn't been released in the US yet, but I don't feel like I missed anything by not reading it before this one.

So here's what I loved:

This is not a love story. There is a romance, like in almost every YA book, but this story is not focused on that. This is a book about teenage girls' relationships with each other, both the good and the bad.

This was an incredibly believable book. I love some good paranormal YA every now and again, but when I read a realistic book, I want it to be that: realistic.

There was no teenage anst. Teenage drama, yes. But not crying in my room over a boy I talked to that one time and why doesn't he love me kind of junk.

There are strong feminist characters. And there are hidden, subtle lessons about how to become a strong feminist female in your own life.

The ending. It was perfect.

What I didn't love:

… I honestly can't think of anything. And I always try really hard to give both the pros and the cons of books so that people can weigh them to make an informed decision. I would recommend this one to anyone, though. Anyone who loves teen literature, or even coming of age stories that are perhaps not necessarily directed toward teens. Because that's what this book is, it's learning who your friends are, but more importantly, it's struggling with who you are and who you want to become. And it's beautiful.

Types of Readers

I have a review coming very very soon. But the book was so incredible that I don't want to submit the review until it's at least sufficient (I don't think words can do it justice; you'll just have to read the book to get the actual full effect).

But because I really want to keep writing more often, I was thinking of other things to write about while I was trying to decide what to read next.

Have you seen this picture of the “Types of Readers?”

It comes across my Facebook newsfeed probably at least once a month from one source or another. It came across again recently, and I got to thinking about how I've changed within the past 2 years or so from an Introvert Reader to somewhere between a Polygamist and Neurotic Reader. So here's that story and also a guide to what it's like for me in between books.

I remember in school, all the way back through elementary, I would find one author I liked and read everything they wrote. And then I would find another author, usually pretty similar to the last and read everything from them as well. This went on through the first couple years of college too, and after. Sometimes, if I find the right author or series, I will still read a lot of their work.

Over the past couple years, though, especially while working in a bookstore, I've realized how narrow my scope of reading has been. I don't want to only read chick lit and teen (which is most of what I read previously). I was pretty sure I'd never read a complete nonfiction work of any kind. Ever. And I was 23. So I've been trying to expand my reading to other genres. (There are still some genres I just can't read: history, sports, most sci-fi.) Around the same time, I came to the very sad realization that I will never finish all the books I want to read. So at this point, I won't finish books that I don't enjoy. I give it around 50-100 pages (depending on how long it is total), and at that point if I just can't do it anymore, I don't. And I've given up the guilt.

The main time I'm a Polygamist/Neurotic reader is between books. Once I finish the “main” book I'm reading, the one that really holds my attention and makes me want to finish it, I get a little lost. I'll start probably 5-10 books trying to find the next “one” to actually get through. I read a couple pages, then think about something else I'd rather do. Eventually I find the right one though and read it, then go back to some of the others I started.

I still binge on genres, though. I'll get sucked into humor biographies, or fairy tale retellings, or something else pretty specific and really want to read a ton of that until I get burnt out. And then it's time to start my insane process again.

This year, I'm attempting the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge to broaden my reading even more. If you want to join in, now's the time! There's even a Goodreads Group for it, and speaking of that, I'd love to see what you're reading so add me on there!

What kind of reader are you? Have you always been that kind or has it changed over time?

Resolutions. That dirty, dirty word.

Resolutions:

I mentioned in my “First Review of the Year” that I have several goals for myself that aren't exactly the standard (at least from what I know about usual resolutions – losing weight, better finances, get organized etc – since originally writing this, it turns out my resolutions are pretty common, but oh well). So I wanted to actually write my goals for myself this year and put them somewhere I can revisit them toward the end of the year to see how I did.

1. I want to find a new career. As much as I love working with books, retail isn't satisfying for me. Life is short and I want to spend it doing something that matters. Even if it's working in a library instead of a bookstore, I want to start myself on a path toward something new that will do more than pay the bills.
2. Read and Write More. This is a tricky one. I want to broaden my reading horizons. I want to read more quality than quantity this year. I am semi taking the Read Harder Challenge from Book Riot. The goal is to gain new perspectives. I think this is crucial to living well. At the same time, I want to give myself the time I need to write. I haven't written a lot since school ended almost 2 years ago and even if it's not something personal, it's something I need to be able to unwind. Without writing, I lose sleep and don't focus or function as well as I know I can. I am going to try to schedule time for myself this year to write something, no matter what it is, each week. I am also enrolling in free classes on a site called edX.org (the first starts today!). I want to learn this year and really push myself to see what I am capable of. I can also get certificates to maybe use on applications to show that I'm willing and able to learn.
3. Use a Schedule and Slow Down. This is the most important one to me for this year. I want to practice better time management. I want to better plan out my days so I can feel like I'm accomplishing what I need to, but at the same time, I want this to better my family time. I want to make sure I take care of what I need to do so that when I have time to spend with the ones I love, I am not worried about work or anything else so I can just enjoy them.

This is the first year I've actually admitted to making resolutions in a long time, probably since high school. But I think these are doable. If I'm not exactly where I think I should be when 2016 rolls around, I am going to follow the 4^th resolution and stop worrying about things that don't need it.

Do you make resolutions? What are your goals and plans for this year?

New Year, New Review

Is it naive and ridiculous to think: "This will be the year I review more books!"? Yes, yes it is. But maybe I'll review a few more than last year and that will be sufficient. I have several goals this year that have nothing to do with reading or writing (or weight loss or the other usual suspects), but maybe I'll write a little more often while I'm at it. Either way, here's the first review of the year.
(Disclaimer about this book: While I thoroughly enjoyed it, that does not mean everyone would. This is not one I'd recommend to just anyone, but for a select group of people that I think would actually find it fascinating. Also, it doesn't release until February 3. Sorry)

How to Be a Heroine by Samantha Ellis

4 Stars

I’m not sure what I thought this book would be. But it wasn't anything I expected. And I can’t say I've read anything like it before. (Not that there isn't something like it, but I just hadn't picked it up.)

The best way to describe this book is that it is a biographical literary criticism. This is the story of Samantha Ellis re-reading her way through her old favorites, but with a more feminist eye after she engages in a debate with her best friend over who is the best heroine. While she’s re-reading these books, she is also trying to find herself: her career, love, and who she is.

What I loved:

*It was fascinating to read the feminist side of so many well known books and to see how reading books at different times in your life will change how you see them.

*It was fun to read a literary critic without feeling like you were caught up in the terminology, but instead you get to see how it actually applies to someone’s life.

*Ellis never got bogged down by the issues she faced. She used books to get her through some very tough times and showed what an important role books can play.

*The end. It was a realistic ending, but at the same time a lovely one.

*I’ve got a long list of books I need to read now. Books with strong women that I would like to learn more from. Unfortunately, that also means that I just have more books to read in a never ending list of books to read.

What I would have liked more:

*I know it wasn’t the point of the book, but I would have liked to have had more of Ellis’s story. It felt that while we glimpsed her, the book focused more on the other heroines, instead of Ellis. Maybe there will be a follow up. (That is a very personal thing to ask of someone, though.)

Overall, I would say that it may be a rather smaller audience that would really love this book, but for anyone who is interested in literary theory (without so much technical aspect), this was a fascinating and fun read.

Dorothy Must Die Review

Dorothy Must Die by Danielle Paige

5 of 5 stars

This was one of those books I was anxiously awaiting and when the store I work in got it in, I was so excited to check it out, but was also nervous that it would fall short. It did not disappoint.. I finished it in 3 days. I couldn’t put it down. And I didn’t know it was part of a series. I don’t read books that have a sequel until all of the books are published. Because it makes me crazy to get to the end of a book and know that there’s more and have to wait for it. This was definitely a great example of this. I’m going to try to be as descriptive as possible without giving anything away.

What I liked:

*I love the new take on the Wizard of Oz. I love that Dorothy and her friends are the villains. I love that the lines of Good and Wicked have been blurred.

*The world building was beautiful. The descriptions of Oz itself were fantastic, but the descriptions of everything else going on were also lovely.

*I liked the development of most of the characters.

*This was a <very> dark twist on the original story and it works well.

*There is a lot of action going on.

*Even though she was a stereotype a lot of the time, Amy was clever and witty.

*There was very little romance. While I’m usually all about romance, it’s often a frustrating subject in teen books. There was some very minor romantic interest, but no one is making decisions based on the love of their life that they just met.

What I didn’t like:
*I hate pop culture references and they tend to be all over the place in teen fiction. Fortunately, like many other books, the references stop after a short while.

*There was a lot of angst going on. I wanted to slap Amy during about ¼ of the book.

*Some of the foreshadowing was way too overt, but it never led to anything.

*You can tell that the writing is from a new author, but it wasn’t awful.

*This is a series. How did I not know this was a series??? It felt like the book just stopped. I understand cliffhangers, but ugh.

I would definitely recommend this to anyone who likes retellings, but I would probably suggest to wait until the next book is out, if not all 3.

Peter Pan was kind of a butt.

So I know that last post was kind of a downer. So here is another book review. I've been using books as a kind of therapy and it's working really well. And I'm reading a lot more now.

Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Andersen

3.75/5 Stars

I’m sure anyone reading my book reviews has noticed the fairy tale retelling kick I’ve been on. I’m still not sorry and now there’s another. (In my defense, I have read two religion books –even though they were both pretty short – amidst these novels.) I knew I needed more of these types of stories to keep my reading level high, and then I stumbled onto this gem. This chart is amazing. I found a ton of books I need to read now, and I got it into my head that I should read a Peter Pan story. I went through the ones on the list and this seemed like the best new perspective.

What I liked:

*Minor characters: Tik Tok and Pine Sap were my favorite characters in the book. I think all of the minor characters were well developed though. I liked having Hook and Smee’s back stories.

*Plot premise: This was the first rewriting of Peter Pan I’ve read and really the only one I could find that wasn’t a little kids’ book. I loved the focus being about Tiger Lily. I often imagined Peter as kind of a jerk and this book finally openly admits that he really is.

*Point of View: I liked seeing Tinkerbell not being a brat and actually caring about someone

*It doesn’t even kind of matter for the story itself, but the cover is beautiful.

*I don’t care whether a book has a happy or sad ending, but I do like closure. I got that with this book.

Drawbacks:

*While it was a really good story, nothing really ever grabbed my attention and drove me to finish. I finished it because I had nothing better to read at the time, but it could have been easily put to the side and forgotten about it.

*I felt more attached to the secondary characters than the main ones. I didn't like Peter Pan and didn't want him to be with Tiger Lily. A lot of times I felt detached from her as well.

*There were a few parts of the plot that seemed a little rushed/awkward. I don’t want to give anything away, but this happens only a few times.

*There were also a few things about Tiger Lily that are never explained but were set up like they should have been.

Because sometimes reality gets the best of you and you just need to write about it.

We interrupt your not-so-regularly scheduled programming for a bit of my real life. This is where I write so it’s where I’m putting this. I have some other posts to write up still too, but for now, this is what I have. (If this is the first or only time you've read anything I've written, I usually don't write this stuff so whether you want to read more like this or not, it's not something to expect.)

So I guess this will be real talk time, and it’s hard for me to write but I feel like it’s necessary (more so for me than for anyone else). Why am I writing something so incredibly personal where anyone can see? 1. Because I need to get it out of my head where the words swirl around constantly. 2. If someone does see it and feels the same, I really want them to know they’re not alone because this can be a very lonely place. Even if you have people around you, it’s a little easier knowing someone else has felt the same (while at the same time you wouldn’t wish it on anyone). And I also want anyone who feels like this to know that reaching out to someone is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

A few days ago I had my 6 week postpartum appointment with my midwife. I knew before the appointment that I’ve been struggling, and I was finally ready to admit that I needed some help. The biggest thing was the roller coaster I’ve been on with my hormones. And it’s just not stopping. I have to fill out this questionnaire thing about how I’ve been feeling every time I go to the pediatrician’s office for my little giraffe. The problem is that I know what they want me to say to be able to tell me I’m normal and fine and everything is going great. Unfortunately, that means that none of the doctors have known that I haven’t been fine lately and everything has not felt great. This time, I answered the questions more honestly. I admitted that I would like to run away from my life at times, and that I’m terrified everything I’m doing is wrong, and I can’t stand hearing my kid cry. all. the. time. And then I got to hear what I was dreading.

“You have postpartum depression.”

This was followed by the doctor telling me that I’m one of the ones that often get missed. The type of person who has dealt with depression without wanting to take medicine so she learns how to still get up and go to her responsible adult life things. The kind who can still get dressed and look presentable, who can still make eye contact and look like I’m fine. Because I can shut everything out for most of the day so that I can function.

Until night begins, and then I just want to scream. Every time I hear the giraffe cry. Every time I hear her start to fuss and I start to panic it’s going to turn into a complete meltdown. And I’m changing a diaper with my eyes half shut hoping I put a diaper on her and not the cat. And I’m mad that I’m not getting any sleep. And I feel like a terrible parent because I don’t like this screaming person right now. She’s taking away my sleep. She’s stealing my husband’s attention. And damnit, I want to cuddle with him now that I don’t have a giant pregnant belly or heartburn lying between us.

And then it shifts. And I’m not angry any more. I’m so upset with myself for feeling like this. I start to think “I can’t believe my baby doesn’t like me, and I’m not fond of her myself.”

I’m told I’m not alone in this. I’m told that a lot of people feel this way, and a lot of them don’t admit it. I hope this gets better with the suggestions of the doctor. I hope that soon I feel loving towards the sweet girl I’m holding more often than frustrated. Because part of my brain recognizes how lovely her tiny smiles are. Part of me knows that I’m missing out on these weeks that I’m actually able to spend at home with her. The biggest part of me, though, realizes that I am incredibly lucky to have my husband taking care of her and me and going to work while I try to keep just myself put together. And that part of me really wants to give him his wife back. 

Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge

My Rating: 5 out of 5

I’m finally writing this review after a week and a half of sitting on it. I’ve been a little busy with the gosling (this is her new name since she’s a silly goose like her daddy, who may be called Goose henceforth), but mostly it’s just incredibly hard for me to write a review for a book that I love this much. I try hard not to write gushing reviews often, mostly because there are very few books that deserve it, and I think that people use reviews to get fair opinions of a book before delving in and spending so much of their time reading it. This is an exception, however. Much like this one (which also happens to be a Beauty and the Beast retelling, perhaps not a coincidence).

I’m in the midst of a fairy tale retelling kick and this was the second one I read in a week’s time (there are 3 more sitting on my shelf and several on my Kindle that will be part of this adventure into once-upon-a-time land). This was the better of the two for that week, but was also one of my new favorite books. Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite stories to begin with, and I was not let down by this one. I feel like I should also admit that this was a book that I actually paid for, which has not happened for a while since I usually check them out at work or get an advanced reader. Even paying for it, it was worth the $9.

So, per usual, we’ll go with the good and the not so good (well, I’ll try to come up with what I didn’t love about it, though it will be hard).

What I loved:

*The characters. They were realistic and flawed and beautiful. I loved Nyx and Ignifex together. I loved Nyx and Shade together. I loved that no one was perfect, but at the same time they were.

*The plot/mythology. I loved the back story of the Gentle Lord and how it unfolded. The twist on the classic was a nice one.

*The setting. I’ve found that my favorite retellings tend to be set essentially in “once upon a time.” These places could be anywhere, and something about this really appeals to me.

*The ending. I like books to have closure at the end, but you can still walk away thinking about where the characters would be now.

What I didn’t love so much:

*The father. It irritated me that he was never remorseful. Though, he was still well-written as this character.

*At times I got really frustrated with Nyx. Even though she was believable, I still got irritated with her.

*The ending. It shouldn’t have had one.

I should put this in the not so good column, I guess. I would classify this as mature teen. There weren't sex scenes, but there were implications about it. I would recommend that parents read this first if their younger teen (13-15) wants to read it.

As a whole, I would recommend this to pretty much anyone that I could. If you like fairy tales, if you like romance or fantasy, if you like books at all. Okay, maybe not for everyone, but I really do think a wide variety of people would enjoy this, and I loved it.

Review for the first book I finished after having a baby

While Beauty Sleptby Elizabeth Blackwell

My rating: 3.75 of 5 (the more I think about the story, the closer it gets to 4)

Fairytale retellings are one of my favorite types of books. I love to see what authors can do with a classic story to make it their own new fascinating tale. So when I found this book while looking through the list of e-advanced readers I could download, it stood out. This story was to be different from other fairy tales or even their revised versions. This one was said to be the “true” story of Sleeping Beauty, not of magic or witches, but of a curse brought on by events that could have actually taken place.

This was written as historical fiction, rather than fantasy. Usually I’m not a fan of historical fiction, but I’ve been in a reading slump and thought maybe I should give it a try since it was still a fairy tale. It took me a while to read since I started it before I had little miss ma’am and it took me a little while to adjust to a newborn. (I finally learned that feeding her/rocking her was the perfect time for reading – though not so great for trying to write. Though, I recently found that I may be able to write while wearing her in the Moby Wrap we finally got!)

I wanted to love this book, but it wasn’t what I thought it would be. It did get me through the reading rut I’d been in though and I read 2 more books in the 3 days following finishing this one up so I give it credit for that. I’m still honestly a little torn on how I feel about the whole thing. I fluctuate between a 3 and 4 star  depending on which part of the book I think of. But as a whole, I would recommend this to anyone who likes fairy tale retellings or possibly even if they just like historical fiction. (Though, full disclosure, as I’m not a reader of it, I can’t vouch for whether it’s historically accurate to any time period.)

Anyway, here’s what I liked and what I did not.

The Good:

*Very well written descriptions and most of the characters were well developed. Many of them I missed once the book was over, and those are the good kind. The villains were well developed too, but I can’t say I miss them.

*Elise’s love story.

*Even though it was written as a historical version of the story, it still felt like “once upon a time” was the setting. I’m not sure if that was intentional, but I liked it.

The Not So Good

*The pacing was by far my biggest issue. It felt like there were pieces of the story that were dragged out far too long, but then the ending felt rushed.

*The foreshadowing was kind of awful. It seemed like almost every page had a line something like this: “If only we knew then what this would truly mean.” It was all. the. time. And it got really redundant. We get it, something terrible is going to happen, and you didn’t see some of the signs (or sometimes you did, and pointed that out as well).

*So as not to say any spoilers, I just want to say that I really didn’t like some of the events that played out.

The “It’s not really bad, but this made it not what I expected”

*There was very little about Rose herself. This was not her story until almost the very end, she was barely

in it. She was a driving force behind some of the story, but it was really Elise’s story.

*I still haven’t decided how I feel about the ending.

My Beliefs

I wrote this back when I was writing more often.

I hate the assumption made that I don’t believe in anything. I believe in a lot more than I ever have before, and I think that should be put out there in the open.

I believe in people. I believe in humanity and that we can be better than we are. Not that we should progress and keep building more and more inventions, but that we know how to take care of one another and that most of us will. I believe that people are a kind species and that we are born innately good (for the most part). I think that people look to God and religion to show them a way to do good for others because they feel a need to help their fellow man. This alone proves to me that we can get better. Unfortunately, a nasty side effect of religion is war. Controversies have led to bloodshed over the years. But I think this is greed for power brought on by a sense of righteousness that was brought out by gods.

I believe in science. I believe that science is making progress toward explaining so many questions that many of us haven’t even thought up yet.

We are an amazing species, but instead of looking to ourselves and the world around us, we argue that there has to be something more. We cannot even come close to understanding what’s right here in front of us. Why do we need to invent gods to explain as well? It gives us a crutch. It gives people a reason for why things happen. It also gives some people a way to escape responsibility. If God says it’s okay in the Bible to judge and to be hateful toward someone not like you, that makes it okay, right? If that’s the reason to believe in a god, I’d rather believe in humanity. There are miraculous things happening all around us and we are the ones doing them.

I believe in love. I believe in the power of music. I believe in the power of the human mind and the human heart and the human body. And I believe these are more powerful than any god that any organization would have us believe in.

Looks Like I've Still Got Time

So I guess since baby girl has decided she's never going to come out, I still have time to write something. I have been incredibly slack looking at my past posts. Can I blame this on pregnancy and exhaustion? I'm probably going to. I haven't managed to do much worth writing about thus not writing.
For the record, I have tried to convince TM that it's time to go. Every old wive's tale that wouldn't hurt her has been tried:
~Hot showers
~Rolling around on an exercise ball
~Walking
~Spicy food
~Foot Massage
~Evening Primrose Oil
~Clary Sage Essential Oil

She's just not ready to see the snow I guess. So for now, under doctor's orders, I've stopped trying to convince her. The midwife told me for my own health and sanity (not so much for TM's sake) that I need to stop stressing and just let her hang out there until she's ready. Today was day 2 of not trying anything. And I guess it was nice to just relax a little. And I guess writing is good for stress.

Not sure where this post is going to be completely honest, but I felt like I needed to write one more time before she comes. Which she will. One way or another.

I guess I could give you a heads up on what future posts I may eventually write. I've started a few of them, but either haven't completed the project or haven't felt like writing the post itself. Let's see.
Things you have to look forward to reading about from me when I get around to doing/writing about them:
*Cloth diapering. This is a hard one because TM isn't here yet. The idea though is to write about how cost effective it turns out to be and how much of a pain it may be. I've got everything I need to do this and I'm lucky that my apartment has a washer and dryer so hopefully it won't be so bad.
*Using a Moby-Wrap. I don't know what I'm going to say about that. I'm sure once I'm using it, I'll have some great story about how I tried to wear her out to dinner and dropped a taco on her face or something.
*I'm crocheting things. Well, I'm starting them. And I'm pinning lots of ideas on Pinterest. (You can follow me if you want *click here for my Pinterest* -I'll try to get it up in the sidebar too!) I think I'm kind of understanding how patterns work and the idea is to eventually get an Etsy shop opened up. I actually created one. And a PayPal for it. But I have no items to put in the shop so I have to work on that part still.
*Maybe I'll write mine and J's wedding story. Man, it's been almost 2 months, and I have totally not written that. I really am slack.
*I'll probably write a really great birth story for you all to read. I'm sure it'll involve us going into the hospital while it snows. Because I should have her within a week or they'll induce and it shows no sign of the snow stopping. Ever.
*I also learned how to use my Crock Pot (it's amazing!) so I'll have to link some recipes in. Or, maybe I'll even make up some of my own and share those. Okay, they'll probably be links to someone's from Pinterest.

Man, and I haven't written up any of those. I guess I did have something to write about, if I had just not been so incredibly lazy. I'll work on that. Maybe. Well, I'll think about it while I'm laying in bed.

Evolution Baby

(Disclaimer: May not be suitable for those of a strong Christian persuasion. You have been warned.)

What if my daughter is not a miracle? What if she was an "Oh sh*t" moment in a Wal-Mart bathroom stall when that second line showed up. What if she was the hardest decision I ever had to make. What if I knew I never wanted kids and here I am having one and trying to figure out how that's going to work out.

On the flip side. What if my daughter was the hardest struggle I've ever had to face trying to conceive. What if she's the product of some amazing medicines, scientific processes, and trackers to be able to get pregnant. What if she is the tears of joy and the endless thanks given to the doctors who made her possible.

Would either situation mean I'm any less grateful or excited for her? I don't think so. I'll  never tell her she's my miracle or my blessing. Instead, I'm so in awe of what my body is capable of. I am growing a freaking human! And whether I cried of joy or of fear, that is something pretty incredible. After so many years of evolution, we have come from single cells to cells that reproduce and can reproduce another tiny version of our mixed DNA.

I'll tell her instead that she is one of the most wonderful things to happen to me, something that I didn't think would ever happen. I'll tell her she's the product of love and of some really awesome biology. I'll tell her she's loved immensely and infinitely by both her parents. And I think that that is enough.

I have lost my notebook.

This is going to be a very "me being real" post, not very helpful (as in no tutorial) and not funny.  So if you're looking for a tutorial or a book review please see the very few posts to the right. 

Losing a notebook should not be the end of the world. And I understand (somewhere in my mind) that it's really really truly not. Right now, though, it feels like it. I am very much a list person. It's how I keep myself focused (even just a little bit) and how I figure difficult things out. This notebook had all of my lists. Not to mention, I realized after a few days of it being missing that it also has my pregnancy insurance information in it. I have searched everywhere I can think of in my house, at work, and in my car. These are all places where I take it on a regular basis just so I can function. It's not in any of them. I've called Hobby Lobby and Walmart as a last ditch effort wondering if they had found it. If they did, I'm sure they threw it away. 

The longer I go without it, the more upset I get. It is an almost crippling feeling to have it missing. I did buy a very cheap replacement for it, but that was when I thought I simply wasn't looking hard enough. I'm trying to use the new one. Really really trying. But thus far it is not being the sanity I need and what the other one was.

With this pregnancy, I got "pregnancy brain." (I think that's the technical term.) I joke about how it makes me feel stupid, but I legitimately feel stupid. I can't remember anything for more than a few minutes, much less a full day. I go into a store without a list and forget at least 3/4 of what I needed. So I wrote everything I needed down as I realized I needed it so I wouldn't have to struggle with even making a list. 

I struggle with anxiety. I worry about what's going to happen in 4 months when I have a child. I need to find a daycare and we will need to move when this lease is up. I need to find a doctor for her, and I need to get both of us on some kind of insurance. This is the stuff I can remember right now. None of this is terribly urgent yet. So I write it down. I keep a list of "Figure Out Today," "Figure Out Tomorrow," "Figure Out This Week," "Figure Out This Month," etc. Then I gradually edit the lists as I figure things out. I had lists of apartments to call/not call/already called. 

There were basic to do lists. I have so many projects I'd like to tackle, and I also get very distracted when I try to clean. So I write down what I'd like to accomplish in a day and in a week and how I think I can make it happen. 

Without this notebook, I'm so very unorganized and therefore unproductive. Before I lost it, I finished a craft, but never got around to writing up the tutorial. I will at some point. It's probably half way done. Right now, though, I'm just so very drained from searching and then crying that I couldn't find it. I need to end this on a positive note, and I was/am so proud of myself so here's the picture for now.

I actually sewed something!!